We’re having a slight problem with ants at the moment and I wouldn’t mention it but for the resemblance to an old Jasper Carrot sketch. Anyone familiar with The Mole sketch? A classic sketch and one where I’m starting to see some odd parallels with real life, and that’s something I never thought I’d be saying.
There’s a wall between the conservatory and my beloved craftroom. It’s part of the extension and has been up for about twenty years. A few weeks ago I spotted one of those huge black flying ants in the living room. I freaked slightly. I’m not keen on them. Especially not in the house. We thought nothing more of it once it had been disposed of. Then the next day there was another. We wondered where they were coming from and decided that once again Stephen had left the back door open. Bad Stephen.
A few days later we found a pile of dust in the conservatory. What the? Then we found the ants and put two and two together. The dust had once been part of our house. Ants are rather destructive apparently. We planned to buy ant killer. Then the same night I was in my craft room and something made me look round. Behind me was a small swarm of ants heading my way.
Stephen to the rescue. Stomp. Stomp. Spray. Spray. Wasp spray works quite well on ants as a short term solution.
It appeared that there was a nest either in the wall or under the wall and the ants were making their way into the house on both sides of it.
The next day we purchased Ant stop. It comes in the form of two dishes that contains a gel that’s very yummy to ants. They go into the dish, grab the gel and take it back to the nest. All the ants then get poisoned and the job’s done. Bostin. A dish went either side of the wall.
They really liked it. We had a whole party of ants come out to sample it. In fact I thought I saw them setting up a barbecue round it at one stage.
A week later and they were still coming out looking fit and healthy. Fitter and healthier in fact. I had a sneaking suspicion that they were thriving on that gel. They actually looked bigger.
By this stage I’d taken the stash that I was most fond of upstairs out of reach of the ants and was working on clearing some of the rest of the room. This room however, contains ten years worth of scrapping stash and quite a lot of other craft stuff as well as office type stuff. It’s a big room and it’s pretty full. The floor down that end was getting emptier though so it was easier to see the ants.
Next we bought powder. We sprayed it all along the skirting board and waited. The result was large grey, slightly fluffy ants.
I also got some proper ant spray in a trigger gun. Mwaahaahaa.
So, we’d been clear of ants for a few days and I was feeling quite optimistic this morning. The floor got a thorough vacuum to get all the stray bits of dead ant up, but making sure not to disturb the line of ant powder along the skirting. I had a good spring clean and sort out at the ant end. I thought I might as well use the disturbance as an excuse for that at least.
I was sitting in there an hour ago when something made me look behind me. Ants. Big black ants with wings. Creeping towards me menacingly. Two of them. “Oh dear”, I said. Then I sprayed them with my big red Ant gun. Mwaahaahaa
Five minutes later I was sitting in my swivel chair with my ant gun in one hand and my torch in the other. Come out little ants…
Now, if you know The Mole sketch, you may already have spotted the key words there – Swivel, gun, and torch. Oh yes. There I was swivelling away, shining my torch into the corners with ant gun in hand, when I spied the duck tape out of the corner of my eye and it just clicked. I didn’t. I thought about it, but then I thought what Stephen would say if he came in to see the torch taped to the ant gun, with me madly swivelling and cackling manically. Because really, if I tried to defend my behaviour by telling him it was because of the moles, it would just make it worse.
And for those of you who don’t know The Mole sketch, you really have no idea what I’ve just been rambling on about, do you?